I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize