Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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