im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
