community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
