Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
