I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
someone owes me an orgasm
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
