When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize