I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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