wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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