that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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