I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
