My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
