Screwed.edu
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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