Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i will never coherently bang her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
