I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
