But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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