Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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