The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
