I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
