Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
