i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
