NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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