dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize