i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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