dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
