i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
