I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
