First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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