i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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