You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
