The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
