All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
