Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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