he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
