I CAN MOONWALK!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
