You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ttyl tear gas
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
