I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I came so hard my ears popped.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize