ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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