i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am puke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
