i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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