i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
