i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
