yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We named our party play list daddy issues
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
