don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
