im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
