you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
