I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
