no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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