So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
