What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
