this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
