I'm so fucking centered right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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