my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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