I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
