I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
