just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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