My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize