none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im part way to drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
