Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my sisters under your porch take her home
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
