I must be too annoying 4 u.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
