I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
