She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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