Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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