Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
