I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
