I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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