we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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