When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
