I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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