I love black thongs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
